I wrote this post.. probably two weeks ago, and saved it, because I didn't feel like posting a lament and inflicting a lot of sympathy. But now, things have resolved and I just want to post it, so you can see what I'm growing through.
"I really don't like rollercoasters. I don't like jumping off of cliffs or the idea of deep sea diving. Don't get me wrong I like adventure and having fun. I love riding quads, tubing, jet skis and reading. Something are just not fun to me.
My life has kind of been a roller coaster lately. Up, then down, then a complete circle UPSIDE down, back up, and then a big drop down. Whether it is going to bed early because I have to work in the morning (7 a.m.) and getting my shift canceled at 10 p.m., waking up 3 minutes into my class due to changing my alarm from having to wake up at 6:30 for work to 8:30 and somehow muting it, finding out that the doctor lost the 1st of the 2 series MMR shots from when I was a baby so I have to get blood drawn so I can keep coming to school or find the record from my elementary school, or getting lost in downtown Seattle for 2 hours trying to find my friend who came on train from bellingham to go to a concert with me. Coming home from the concert with a pounding headache, only to drink (water) away the pain, and wake up at 5 a.m. with a flaming migraine. Take a shower and throw up. Lock myself in a lounge at 5:20 a.m. and call security who can't find me (i'm glad they know the floor layouts so well) for 30 minutes!
I'm semi accustomed to just expecting something to go awry, but it's exhausting. Everyone always says, "chels, you look exhausted". Why thank you!"
On top of this.. I had lost the key to my room, as many many of you are aware of. You also may have been informed that this key, is a $150 key. Everything seemed to be pounding on me, when I also got a D on a midterm that I studied extremely hard for. Unfortunately I didn't respond to all of this as Job did in the beginning of his suffering, Job 2:20-22
Job 1:20-22 (English Standard Version)
20Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped. 21And he said, "Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD."
The thing is, I am where I'm supposed to be, I just might not be here for very long. I'm growing out of these experiences, and God is definitely teaching me a lot. I have been disappointed with my classes at SPU. I told myself right before classes started, because I had been here for 11 days before classes actually started, that if the classes are good, this place might be heaven on Earth. Unfortunately, my classes are less than challenging. My teacher's have my attention for 2 hours and 15 minutes two times a week. They assign chapters for us to read. The first week I came completely prepared (my mother's daughter), I had read all the chapters and even written notes. After the first two and half hours of EACH class I was mentally fried. The teacher went over EXACTLY was in the book, by lecture. I thought it would get better. Nope... still doing the same thing. This might be okay for some people, but when I'm paying $3000 a class, $33/day I expect to get a WHOLE lot more than what a $54 textbook can tell me. Two of my teachers are relatively new to SPU and one of them wasn't expecting to have to teach.. unfortunately they had to. So as many of you know, I'm going to give SPU another chance, but if the classes continue to be unworthy of such money, I'm afraid I'm going to have to do something else. I understand that the money should really be compared with the 'experience' you are having. But when I'm working 15-26 hours a week, and doing hw and oh ya that thing called sleeping within.. I'm not sure if I'm incredibly ecstatic about the experience I'm working to pay for. The kids that are here and don't have to work to pay for it are loving every second. I'm paying to work.. interesting right. I pay the school close to 2100 a month, and in return (my paycheck from the school because i work for the school) is about 450 a month. So really I'm kinda paying myself?
I don't know. I'm praying it works out and I can stay here, but I'm willing to go where the Lord leads, and I don't think he is leading me into a 17,000 (in debt) education that I could've gained working at BN reading textbooks for an employee discount of 20%. As it goes, I head your prayers. I'm on the lookout for direction. :) Hoping for a burning bush, but any sign would suffice.
Now you may be thinking.. Chels.. this is STILL a lament. I'm sorry if it sounded that way. I hope I can take care of my remiss.
Work is a blessing, even though sometimes (like this friday) I have to work at 5:30 in the AM. I love my job. I love the people I work with. I am getting good hours, and learning a lot. I'm also making money :P to pay for this thing called education.
Even though I missed class that one day (which I have now learned he doesn't care if you come in even 45 minutes late... strange... but ok), the T.A. who grades hw accepted and graded BOTH the hw assignments that were due :)
The elementary school had my shot record and SPU accepted it as a legitimate record, so I didn't have to get my blood drawn (i HATE shots).
There really wasn't any redemption for throwing up... but i DID feel a lot better afterward. And locking myself in the lounge, in my towel with wet hair was just hilarious, and I'll remember it forever.
As for my key. Biggest blessing ever. I love how I don't deserve ANYTHING from God and yet sometimes he likes to spoil me rotten. I hope I never come to expect it, and better deal with such tension in much more God glorifying manners in the future. HOWEVER, I have.. a phone in my room. And one day the phone rang. Me and my roommate don't need the phone so it is hidden (and i had forgotten about it). So of course, the strange loud noise scared me to death. After recovering, I sought out the phone and answered. "I'm looking for Chelsea Winfield" (well that's creepy) "this is her". "We found your key, if you want to come down to campus security" (IF I WANT TO??!?!?) lol. The best part is, that this was the 9 days after I had lost my key. Safety and Security is supposed to come and re-core your door and give you a new key AND charge the $150 to your account TWO (2) days after your report a lost key. For some reason, they never did, so the key is now in my possession, and my account was never charged. Hallelujah :)
Oh and as for that D. By the way, I don't get D's. ever. :(
After the curve, this is sad, I got a B+. I'm praising God, for my GPA's sake, but I'm a little confused if this is called learning, or rolling dice.
Oh and as for that D. By the way, I don't get D's. ever. :(
After the curve, this is sad, I got a B+. I'm praising God, for my GPA's sake, but I'm a little confused if this is called learning, or rolling dice.
I have now purchased a SUPER bright lanyard that God told me to buy. Now you can say Chels.. you're crazy. God did NOT talk to you. Well, my friends have YOU ever heard of Chelsea, MI? Well on Chelsea's "Things to Do" Website.. activities include "Mad Cow Gaming", and Reading to Dogs (literally, they have an event in their library to read to dogs :?)... so I'm guess you have NOT heard of Chelsea, MI... Apparently SPU's lanyards are MADE in Chelsea, MI.
So this is how it happened. I'm in the bookstore, before I have found my key. I'm pretty bummed out still. As I'm standing in line with my friend, Marah.. who is buying a scantron for a test (don't get me started on buying scantrons at a school you pay 38,000/yr to go to). Anyways, I'm standing there and out of the corner of my eye I see these insanely neon lanyards. I'm like.. Marah! I need one of those so I don't lose my key again. She's like ya you do.. so I go over there, and MY NAME IS ON THE TAG!! Picture above. If God wasn't speaking to me... ya no God WAS (no questions) lol there is no other explanation. So anyhow, I bought the lanyard AND a super cute and BRIGHT luggage tag. I now see this bright rope with a luggage tag and key on it as $150 and it never leaves me sight. God is good.
Just a quick shout out. I'm reading Story again, and I just really think that it is the most beautiful book I have ever read. If you want a copy, please please please just let me know, and I'll find a way to get you one. It will change your life. It's short too, so don't be intimidated.The author is incredibly raw about his writing, funny, and wonderfully creative. It tells the beautiful story of God in a wonderful way :)
"God is more like an impassioned young lover swinging his bride across the dance floor. Jesus didn't arrive on earth to debate theology, but to propose marriage. In a very spiritual sense, God is courting us. Christianity is wild. It's intimate. It's heartbreaking and soul-mending. It's the wings to rise above the everyday and the hope of a honeymoon with the God
who has loved you forever. " (98)
"I think gravity is a miracle we're still in the middle of . We don't know where it comes from or why it's there, so we call it "law of science", instead of a miracle God just hasn't turned off yet (wouldn't that be funny-cw). Of course, it could just be planetary instinct." (102)
"Jesus approached evangelism quite differently than most churches today. Too many twenty-first century churches treat sharing Jesus's story like a marketing campaign. Then... try to make Christianity seem as appealing, plausible, relevant, and easy to digest as possible by emphasizing the benefits of belief. But Jesus almost never did that. Typically he emphasized the cost of following him, not the rewards." (110)
-"I don't think there are too many followers of Jesus around anymore. There are plenty of church going admirers, but most of us would rather not leave our nets behind and follow him." (108)
Also, a shout out to a children's book I am in possession right now.
The illustrations are fantastic and the words are crafted. This one is SURE to be over your little one's head, but fascinating nonetheless. I think kids need to be challenged. It's books like these that I read as a child that I still remember, and am able to go back to and re-read and re-visit and understood what was holding me captive. Truly delightful. Don't buy it in the store though, it's like 20 bucks. I got it only for 10.
It's title: "the secret lives of Princesses"
Here are some of my favorite quotes (that I read during my scripture class as my professor argued over whether or not we should wear, and eat things to distinguish us as Christians......)
"Secrets may be locked away, but they dream of escaping."
"When I forget things, they're just playing hide-and-seek deep inside me"
"Singing is like painting with words"
"Beneath the stones, are flowers not yet born"
"Words travel, when they come back home they can mean something different"
"She divides her days into chapters and dreams up titles for each one"
"Kisses:
There is nothing gentler or sweeter than a princess's kiss.
Quite rare. Should be preserved carefully tucked away in
a bottle or in the corner of one's heart.
Light as air, it disappears with the slightest breath."
"May God give you more and more grace and peace as your grow in your knowledge of God and Jesus our Lord" -Peter
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